A new study about child development shows that a day care environment can't compare to a nurturing home environment, and that over 80 percent of children attending day care exhibit aggressive behavior versus six percent for those cared for by their own parents.
Duh.
Oh, the hubris of the modern world! Can't we see the forest through our economic priorities and cultural imperatives?
Several years ago another wave of research studies found that parental interaction increases brain development. Another study claimed that teenagers who feel a strong sense of family are less likely to engage in risky behavior.
Neanderthals were the first to make such observations, but funding cuts prevented further research. Actually the first to publish studies were Cro-Magnon fellows on research grants. Findings indicated that little Cro-Magnons, raised with security and attention, and who felt they were welcome and necessary contributors, were generally better adjusted and thus the future of the clan was ensured.
Fifteen years ago, my husband (a Neanderthal himself) and I began our own research project based on the premise that children will be better prepared for adulthood when given generous doses of time and love, and treated as integral members, rather than family pets. Eight kids later, the results may not be conclusive but…study this: We invest all our time and energy into our family.
Early on, we realized that traditional jobs and careers relegated our family life to a few hours between work, and part-time just wasn't enough. We intuitively felt that child-rearing would take deliberate hand-craftsmanship, not assembly-line production.
So, out the window went education and experience, and we took jobs which allowed us to work from home, or provided the flexibility to work with our kids in tow-from handyman jobs to historic research. We did the economic limbo (How low can you go?) lowering our overhead little by little as we accumulated children.
Public service announcements tell us that the average father spends less than 10 minutes a day with his children. Regularly, there are days we may be with our kids all but 10 minutes. We never have to ask, "How was your day?" We've been there.
It may sound interesting, but before you leap, consider the limitations, We don't go out much. We eat more oatmeal and potatoes than most. Our clothes and furniture are pieced together from thrift stores and garage sales. Functional gas gauges and windshield wipers are luxury options on our vehicles. We're forced to consider creative solutions, including "road kill biology" and "Insects For Food" newsletters. Recycling was a necessity for us long before it became a fad.
The full-time family experience is intense and draining. There are nights I wake at 1 a.m., still in my clothes and covered with books and children, and I imagine what a vacation rush hour traffic must be. By evening, my prematurely gray husband is muttering to himself like "Father Knows Best" with Tourettes.
As we home-schooled our children, we were constantly told that they were mission out on socialization. Now, in the light of recent research, we say, "Whew!" We intentionally limit the intrusion of society on our family. We don't use television and the ringing of the telephone doesn't interrupt our activities, discussions or reading. We've deliberately raised the hedge.
It's been a path less traveled, but we did find a trail, forgotten and overgrown by career hedonism and untamed materialism. Some say our lifestyle more closely resembles 1902 than 2002-an observation made with a tinge of pity, but we take it as a compliment. We do feel more commonality with the Depression Set.
We've paid a price for the luxury of togetherness, but we've gained something invaluable-self-reliance and the individuality of our children. The lessons have been hard, but there's not an emotional or intellectual clone in the bunch. The greatest strength is our bond, forged perhaps by 10 people sharing one bathroom.
In recent days, other paid researchers have called for new interpretation of the nuances of the recent study. Perhaps they can find a way to make the information palatable for a society that, in a large part, considers children as objects.
Now, before the research industry spends millions on yet another study, we'll reveal our preliminary conclusions… And remember, you heard it here first. If you worship a child, not as an object but as a human being, with that of Christ within-they're less likely to torture the neighbor's cat.
Duh.